i'm having a nervous break down

Shall I begin with the dogs infesting my house with fleas or the functional medicine doctor who says I’m allergic to eggs and coffee?

Yes, that’s right, I’m allergic to joy.

That alone had me wandering the kitchen in my pajamas at 12 noon,

having had sausage soup for breakfast, failing to cross a single item off my to-do list, and praying I‘d remember how to get dressed before a 1:30 call.

Since I only drink decaf, I’m beginning to think the gas-lighters are right - I might just be hysterical.

The fleas were another matter entirely. I knew about them, but it wasn’t until the dog Shaman (yes, I hired a shaman to talk to my dogs – it’s real)

said that Mona was cold and it turned out to be true that I began to pay more attention to what she said about the dogs’ complaints of itchiness.How do I know she was right about Mona being cold? Because when Mona started shaking as she always does at night, I wrapped her in a warm blanket (yes, which became fleainfested), and rather than Mona pacing the house scratching on every door for five hours as she’s been doing for months, she drifted off, and I got the first night’s sleep I’d had in a week.

When the Shaman called me the next morning to say that she had been up all night itching, which meant that Mona was terribly uncomfortable, the gravity of the flea situation landed.

So last night, I got a flea comb, and we washed both dogs for the third time, all the bedding (the dogs, and ours), vacuumed, and tried to stay awake long enough for the comforter to dry. It never did, so I both scratched my sympathetic itches and froze my ass off until dawn.

I called the vet repeatedly for some medication to no avail this morning; my calls wouldn’t go through. calls wouldn’t go through.

That’s when I noticed a little SOS sign at the top of my phone, which is supposed to mean you have no signal, but it seemed to signify so much more.

I would meditate, but Enzo likes to sleep in my meditation spot, and I’ve yet to tackle that pile of laundry, so I’m packing it in for the day.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to figure out what the fuck I’m going to have for breakfast tomorrow, and if you have any suggestions, I’m all ears.