So, you’ve had the aha that you need to change. You need to speak up for yourself, ask for help, be more vulnerable or stop allowing others to treat you poorly.

You decide you need to set boundaries. Off you go into your relationships full of declarations and a vow to stand up for yourself. You say things like:

“You can’t treat me this way,” or “I deserve more,” or “I’m not going to show up if you don’t xy or z.” Congratulations, this is an excellent step!

So why did it backfire?

Most people believe the verbal transfer of their desire sets the boundary, but that’s not true.

Speaking your needs when you’re not accustomed to it is courageous and an imp
ortant muscle to grow; however, whether someone gives you what you want is not a measurement of if you’ve learned to set boundaries.

Here are a few things to think about:

  • If the outcome of your boundary is out of your control, you haven’t set a boundary; you’ve made a request.
  • Boundaries and personal growth changes are made internally, not externally.
  • Successful boundaries result from unwavering commitment and belief in your worthiness.
  • What the other person does or doesn’t do because of your request is not relevant to your value, nor necessarily is it even an accurate reflection of your value to them.
  • When practiced well, boundaries are a natural result of inner knowing – a fierce connection to your intuition that prevents you from making any other choice, regardless of what another person does or doesn’t do.
  • A boundary (other than physical) is an energetic force in and around you; it cannot be crossed unless you allow it.

**For more information on how working together can help you set boundaries and eliminate fluctuating self-worth for peak health, relationships, and performance, respond to this email or fill out the appropriate link below!

Abby Havermann

I’m Abby Havermann, an Author, Speaker, and Coach focused on inspiring women to claim the value-driven, meaningful and impactful personal and professional lives they’re meant to live. I enjoy a good book, a dry glass of wine, a difficult hike, an occasional Netflix binge, and learning from my Humble Pie moments in life to grow myself and others so we can work together toward the greater good.

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